Each week, I email our church's Connect Group leaders to offer well-deserved encouragement and leadership tips I’ve gathered over the years. This month the focus has been small group related. Since many of my friends are involved with small groups in their corners of the world, I thought I’d post the tips I’ve offered in the last couple of emails.

One of our CG leaders recently asked, What do we do when a discussion question falls flat in our group?

Learn how to be a master of “the next question.”

Train yourself to keep asking questions until you get a “real” answer. People almost always give up on a line of questioning before they get to a breakthrough with it. Relax about awkward silence, wait, or ask the question in another way. But keep pressing until you get an answer that reflects thought and reality.

Source: 150 Jesus-Centered Questions (2007 Group, Rick Lawrence)

Another thing you can do is ask others in the group to rephrase your question. Someone else may have a different take and be able to find a hook that brings the point to the surface better than the original question provided.

Remember: you don’t have to ask every single question on the discussion. Zone in on the conversation that’s resonating with most everyone. Don’t feel you have to press on if understanding is taking shape before your eyes—even if it means you only get through half the discussion.

The goal isn’t information, but transformation.

As I often do in my article writing, I threw the question on my Facebook. Here are some thoughts—some serious and a few eye-rollers that friends offered:

State your observation! Read the groups non-verbals & call on a person who's been reflecting to respond...usually they have gems to share, but need encouragement to engage in the dialogue.

—HF, Lincoln, NE

 

Turn to the person next to you and punch them in the arm. Works every time.

—DK, Houston

 

I jump into some meta-communication, which literally means communication ABOUT the communication. All of it is said in a really supportive way, to help get a group talking. Ex: "Hey guys, it seems like everyone is a little quiet tonight, and I'm wondering what that's about." or "That was really interesting. Since I asked the last question, no one has said anything. Anyone have any ideas about why that happened?"

—EV, Cottage Grove, MN

 

Me? I sit there awkwardly and wait for someone smart to say something.

—DL, Minneapolis

 

Depends on the age group. With kids or teens, letting the silence hang can really lead to some great interaction that required time to work up the courage. Gets tougher as people get more guarded and cynical...er, I mean as they get older.

—RD, Minneapolis

 

You should always have an example ready for your question. Then if no one answers, you can share. This usually opens the conversation to other thoughts and ideas. (And don't forget to pray.)

—DJ, Lincoln, NE

 

Ask someone something funny or do something funny to break the silence. Give an example of the question, an example from your own personal/life experience. Or, do a gut check with the group to ensure everyone understands the question, etc. Call on someone who hasn’t participated yet.

—MS, Sacramento

 

Hand out M&Ms and ask which is better, milk or dark chocolate?

—NL, Minneapolis

 

Easy – yell, “Chinese Fire Drill!” and make everyone run around the room and switch seats. It works with kids at least ;)

—JS, York, NE